Carlizzle

This is what he said to me:

“You’re very talented. You have a lot going for you. You can’t just let that got to waste.”

I FUCKING KNOW! THAT’S THE EXACT FUCKING REASON I WANT TO LEAVE THIS HELLHOLE.

I can’t believe that this is a real thing. I am incredibly excited right now. The admissions lady I talked to was insanely cool and I now see that getting my Bachelor of Fine Arts Degree in Acting is something that I can definitely do. I gave her my number and a guy who works exclusively with veterans is supposed to be giving me a call sometime soon. I am so happy right now.

The Air Force is not for me. This is something I had to learn from experience so I don’t regret joining for one second. But now I know that my potential and youth is being wasted on something that is not for me and that definitely doesn’t make me happy. I’m going to apply to an acting school.  Like I’m going to make some phone calls first thing tomorrow. This needs to be done. As far as getting out of the Air Force, I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do about that. But I know I must get out. I don’t know what the future will bring but it’s time for me to start living my life the way I want to. And I know I won’t be happy until I’m either acting or broadcasting again. Wish me luck.

Welp, here goes nothing.

I can’t help it.

Dear horny bitches,

I have a penis. *wink*

Sincerely, Guy With Penis.

Question 5 - Name two celebrities that you would like to have a drink or dinner with. *

Living Celebrities: Morgan Freeman and Angelina Jolie

Dead Celebrities: Vincent Price and Jules Verne

Fictional Celebrities: Marmaduke and Nicki Minaj

Question 3 - What does the word “Mash-Up” mean to you? How else would you say this? *

Interesting that you would ask that question, “Mash-Up” means a quite lot to me actually. It all started when I was a young lad; the age of 9 and a half, I had only killed 24 men by this time. It was the day my father and mentor, Kerjamo, would take me out to kill my first alpaca with my bare hands. This was a dangerous task due to the viciousness of the breed yet it was necessary to do in order to become a man in our tribe. We get to ‘Paca Cave and begin our stalk. We had been wandering those caves for 3 days straight, and then we saw him: Ol’ Evil Eyes. The legendary albino alpaca with eyes redder than the devil’s nipples. Every man that ever came into contact with him, perished. This was it. He had not seen us yet so we made sure to be real quiet like. My father snuck to his front as I went to his flank. Then, simultaneously, we lunged at him. My father grabbing him by the throat and I grabbing him by the genitalia (the weak spot of the alpaca, as we all know). Ol’ Evil Eyes bucked and bucked but was helpless with my hands clasped firmly on his balls. Just as my father was about to snap his neck, Evil Eyes let out a deafening scream. Bursting my left eardrum, concussing me, and making me drop Evil Eyes’ nuts. That moment of free balls was all Eyes needed to break free from my father and bite half his face off. By the time I recovered, it was too late for my father. In a vicious fury I summoned all the power of the gods that I could and ripped a patch of fur from Evil Eyes to gain his attention. The then lunged head on into each other yelling and fighting and biting and pulling and yanking. Evil Eyes managed to get on top of me where he proceeded to choke me with his hooves. Just as I began to black out, I reached up and dug my fingers into those blood-red eyes of his. As he yelled and let up, I leaned forward an dug my teeth into his throat ripping it out. As he squirmed on the floor wiggling in his own blood, I got up, dusted myself off, reached into my pocket, pulled out my Colt .45 Revolver and shot him dead in his head. It was over. I won. There were no more sounds other than the beating of my heart and my heavy breathing. Out from the darkness I hear a voice, “Geaquari…” (that was my name) it was my father! Although faint, he was still alive! I rushed over to him to see him laying on the floor, dying. He would not make it longer than a few moments. He reached up and pulled me close so I could hear him. He gathered up all the might he could, leaned forward and whispered into my ear “Mash-Up”, and died. That was the dying word of my father Kerjamo and I’ll remember it until my very own dying day. There would be no other way I would possibly say that word. Ever.

Question 1 - Describe a fun and social experience you had with your friends where food was the focus. 

It was a night like any other. The fog had just died down and my brethren and myself were having cravings only the likes of meat could satiate. We gather the convoy together, arm up, and traverse in my Saturn Ion to a restaurant which cannot be named due to legal reasons. We arrived at our place of interest (which of course cannot be named due to legal reasons) where I, as the leader of our pack, made eye contact with the hostess and without saying a word, she seated us. She very well knew our intentions. Whilst we waited to take our orders, the manager came to our table and told us we would have to hand over our weapons or we wouldn’t be able to stay. Our hunger was so strong that we begrudgingly agreed and handed them over. Not a fortminute later, there they were. The Chumbbackka Clan. Our sworn enemies and blood rivals, being seated at the table right across from us. What could we do? We had no weapons, and we could tell we only had a matter of seconds to act before those treacherous swine would attack. Just then, the waitress comes with our food and I get an idea. I look at my fellow clan members and they know exactly what I’m thinking. In a split second I’m flipping our table and my men are taking up defensive positions, plates in hand. The Chumbbackka do the same. What progressed after that happened to be the bloodiest food fight in the history of a specific restaurant that can’t be named due to legal reasons, told to our people for generations to come. I lost many men that day, but what I lost in men, I gained in honor. Never will that battle be forgotten.